Clearer Vision

Today was one of those days. The kind that leave you standing in the kitchen damp dish towel in hand, toddler clinging to your leg (screaming), laundry piled in a heap right in the middle of the
hallway, upstairs toys being dragged downstairs, messes and chaotic noise stacking up until the only thing left to do is cry. Sometimes I forget that simply because our hearts and plans are in the right place doesn’t mean all circumstances surrounding them will pan out just peachy like. Trying to get out of the house seemed nearly impossible today. We intended to have a nice breakfast together and venture out to get a Christmas tree, I hadn’t thought much further into it than that.
Now things didn’t go completely wrong, we did have a lovely breakfast this morning (with a surprise visit from my dad with a dozen donuts and coffees to boot!) and we did find a lovely tree at Breezy Maples Farm. It was everything between Breakfast and tree hunting that left me frazzled and wondering if I was putting enough into this mothering thing.
I sure felt like I had been up half the night with a grumpy toddler, and I knew I had spent most of Friday afternoon curbing bad attitudes and coaxing veggies into a none veggie eater. So why was I questioning my contribution as a mother?  My head was spinning with questions concerning my involvement with the girls, some from honest conviction and some from comparison of other children. How dreadful it would be if I were to look my little girls in the eyes and say, “Just so you know I will be comparing you with every child I see today.” Of course I would never! But why do I do it in my own mind? Why do any of us, because lets be real here, we all do or have done before.

2:30 AM and I’m wide awake wishing I could run a quick test on the kids to be sure they were able to make a bed properly, finish a math lesson without getting up for a drink of water, knew how to wipe down a table properly or memorize a Psalm just to ease my anxious thoughts.  Ha. Good thing I didn’t do that! (And no I wasn’t ACTUALLY going to) Instead I flipped on the living room lamp and opened my bible. 2 Timothy 1:5 “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”
I stopped there. Stuck on those words. Knowing that if nothing else the importance of a mother giving her children sincere faith in Christ through example was more than all the memory verses, straighten bed sheets, focused math periods and crumbless tablecloths combined.
So maybe I hadn’t been completely diligent in all areas of the day, maybe I had even had moments of laziness. I understand now that all of those things can be changed with a simple reboot of vision, a fresh chore chart or stronger cup of coffee.
Genuine, honest, earnest, heartfelt, open, truthful (I just opened the Thesaurus), straight FAITH IN JESUS lasts a lifetime! Now THAT’S what I want to emphasize during the day and teach to my children.  And I want them to weigh their attitudes and behaviors to that of Jesus instead of others.
Is there anything more energizing than a fresh God vision for your family?   I don't think so.  It's just that sometimes it takes the crazy spinning thoughts, kitchen tears and questioning heart to draw an honest prayer out of an overwhelmed Mommy.

“ But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Stuff

Three busy children, one active home schooler, a husband who is out of the house for 15 hours straight and a mama who made it through her first trimester, yet again.  Hello life!

I'm serious, I didn't think I'd live through a fourth, first trimester.  Here I am 15 weeks pregnant and smooth sailing.  For a time at least.  I'll take it.  In fact, now I am enjoying it!  I've felt a few little flips of the mystery babe and immediately stopped and gasped. then smiled. then closed my eyes and thanked Jesus.  What a gift.  What a reward.  What a surprise.  And then the thought quietly passes through my mind...*Me?  For me?  Wow.*  I am truly thankful to be protecting your creation Lord.  You are one mighty God! 

My memory verse for the first trimester of pregnancy.  Isaiah 40:11
"He tends his flock like a shepherd:  He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." 

"He gently leads those that have young..." 



So what else is new. 

We're behind in school but my heart is light and I know many important lessons have been taken away from the past three months of reading and re-reading Thornton Burgess Animal Adventures on the couch and eating PB&J's for lunch and dinner. 
My little women are growing to love each other more and more every day and it honestly rocks to be able to trust their decisions concerning each other enough to take a shower without concern or to have a phone conversation knowing they'll serve one another and for the most part play fair. 
So obviously this isn't ALL the time, but I can say with a clear conscious that those three girls are the best of friends and rarely start pecking matches that aren't quickly dissolved. 
On that girly note.  My heart is telling me this pear sized baby within, is a boy.  Just a hunch, no proof.


Things are feeling quiet and more organized now that I'm officially myself again.  Although we're a few chore charts away from bringing order back full swing I know we'll get there and with joyful hearts to boot!
 

Baxterville

I don't get this new blog thing.  "Baxterville" was supposed to be my title.  I believe it is the name of my blog now?  Ha!  Whatever.  Well, IF the title were to be "Baxterville" then I would have went on to say that four years ago today I married my husband, and that on the day we met in 2008 (which isn't the same date as our wedding BTW), a group date where him and I had never seen or heard of each other before, he told me he grew up in Baxterville pretty much right off the bat.  I faked an impressed smile although I could tell he knew his words weren't exactly heart winning at that moment.  You see he had spent most of that day roofing a house and was sunburned from the top of his head to his lower back.  I'm assuming he was dehydrated and tired.  How could I expect him to be on top of his game under those circumstances.  I had to work a bar shift at a pizza shop that night and wasn't at all looking forward to it.  My dear sweet daughter (3 years old at the time) was spending the night with my aunt while I took this horrible shift.  Long story short, we never exchanged numbers that night, just said our goodbyes and went along with our lives.  Eventually....we spoke again and again and again.  One year and three months later, we married. 

All I can say is, thank you Lord for knowing me so well.  Thank you for blessing me with the type of husband you knew I needed.  And thank you for hearing me when I cried out to you for someone who would take care of me and her. 

On another note.  I'm tired.  So very tired.  The beginning of pregnancy always stirs my anxiety.  I begin thinking of how sick I will be and a wave of fear washes over me.  Fear.  I pray and remember it's only for a time and the Lord will walk me through it.  As of right now I do not feel sick.  At least not completely sick.  I feel weak and frequent rests are helpful.  To be honest, I don't feel like doing much of anything at this point.  I don't want to pick up the house, or wash clothes or do dishes or make beds or hang little dresses or vacuum carpets or mop floors or run errands or switch out trash bags....sigh*  But somehow in the midst of not wanting to, I do.  The house isn't as neat and orderly as I'd like it to be, but I am learning that that is okay.  I am also learning that wearing fleece sweats just about every day is okay too. 

Extra little things:

1.  I am teaching 3rd grade and pre-k this year.  The girls are ready and willing each and every day.  I mean, beds made, clothes on and hair combed all before breakfast.  Then breakfast dishes cleared, teeth brushed and books out.  What??!!??  I really didn't expect such eagerness.  I feel the Lord blessing me with open hearted children and a new relaxed attitude toward school for me.  The best part?  We're learning.  They're learning!  A lot! 

2.  Natalie is walking more than she crawls.  And climbing.  And mess making.  She still melts my heart though.  I can't get enough of her blue eyes meeting mine each morning.  As tired as I am at 5:45 in the morning when I see her looking at me over the crib railing I think to myself...*well, I can definitely do THIS part of the day.*  She's sweet.  She kisses me on the cheek and hugs me around my neck.  She tries to get my attention by saying over and over and over, "ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma."  It's a little voice though.  A gentle loving voice.  If one of the girls yells, "Who wants purple?!?" or "Who wants to go first?!?"  Natalie chimes in and says, "ME!"  Even though we all know she probably doesn't have a clue what she is asking for.  But then again, maybe she does! 

3.  My husband.  He's so stinkin' cool.  He planned to run a marathon this year.  He started training early this summer and stuck to it for a few months.  Then he realized with his work schedule it was going to be nearly impossible to fit in those long runs that take a couple hours.  He knew he'd be running in the dark and I'd be putting sweet babes to bed without him.  He's NOT okay with that by the way.  Bedtime is an awesome time around this house.  We've got a great family devotional we've been flying through and some wonderful read aloud's.  Not to mention occasional puppet shows, dance-offs, stand up comics, glow stick productions and Boom Whacker concerts.  I don't blame him for wanting to be a part of it!  Anyway, back to my cool husband.  It's really become evident lately how blessed I am to be the helper to this guy.  A helper is usually treated second to the "boss" or person who requires help.  Andy puts me first even though I AM still his helper.  It's like being the helper to someone who thinks your help is more than just sweet or pretty nice.  He accepts my help with a heart that says, "I couldn't have done this without you!"  He's a true man of God and stands as an example of an incredible husband. 

And that's it.  That's what is happening here, as if you were wondering.  Ha!