Lost

Lost in the swirl of pregnancy and preparations, in little boy sweaters and socks of blue, of math lessons and Explode The Code pages, of toddler tantrums and almost four year old independence, of a husband with a relatively new job and hours that suit our family just great.

 Lost in a new baby and desperately trying to spend as much time as possible staring at him, knowing he won't be a new baby forever.  Lost in nine (Yes NINE) totes full of spring and summer clothes for girls.  Lost in cleaning and picking up after I clean, in keeping floors a little bit swept up but not obsessing over it.  Lost in prayers for growing children with new attitudes and never really knowing the right time to sooth or to scold then going with my first instincts praying all the while, whether I am speaking to correct or to empathize that God would cover my mis-spoken words. 

Lost in shorts and tank tops, in the smell of sunscreen and sandals.  Lost in windows open and fans blowing, in paper plates and simple dinners, in a lawn mowing husband and grass covered feet.  Lost in sleepless nights and early mornings, in coffee and time to read only one or two verses of scripture before I am interrupted by a need.  Lost in patience simply because there really is no other way to get through the day.  Lost in picture taking and potty training in family time and quiet time and finding the balance between the two. 

Lost in Gods timing and small voice telling me to take it slow, enjoy the moments.  Lost in him, right in the middle, surrounded by his grace and loving shoulder to cry on when the days seem long and I feel unworthy of this mothering thing.  Lost in his answer to my prayers for clearer thinking and extra bursts of energy. 
Just taking it slow, enjoying the moments.

Life Now

What is life like now?  It's busy.  It's far busier than I thought.  Nothing due to a new baby either, and that's the truth.  New babies are actually pretty easy (in my opinion).  They sleep, a lot.  They cuddle.  They nurse.  And then sleep again.  This little guy sleeps.  Just about all through the night.  This past week he has decided to hang out awake for a little longer than usual giving us a chance to really look into his blue eyes and wonder what he'll be like in a year from now.  He stares at me, at the kids, at daddy, at the wall, the sun, the bag of diapers.  Really anything keeps his focus for a good amount of time before someone comes along and scoops up his cuteness.  He smiles.  Call me crazy as I know two week old babies don't normally smile, he does!  And I'm not talking about in his sleep.  I'm talking about staring at me for a long time until a big smile comes over his face.  He's done this at least a dozen times as I talk or sing to him. 

 

 

 

 

These girls.  Giving Simon a sponge bath is the highlight of their morning. 

 

 



There is always time to play dress-up.

 

A few afternoons of sun, daddy and outdoor play.



Of course me and Simon hang out inside using our quiet time to fold laundry and rest.  Natalie usually joins us at some point for a bath and a few minutes of Kindle time.  Olaf singing "Summer" is on repeat in my head on the Kindle.

 The belly bowl.  A good friend of ours asked to do a belly bowl for me when I was about 38 weeks pregnant.  Adding the girls hand prints as a finishing touch. 

 

 

So life goes on and we adjust to a new season in our home.  It's not always (if ever) quiet here, we pray a lot, we eat a lot (thanks to our awesome church full of amazing women cooking dinners for us!) We try really hard to listen more than we speak and take time to enjoy each other even when it seems there are things to be done and tasks to accomplish.  There are a lot of tears and often spanks.  We are working on overcoming fears (Psalm 34:4) and learning to be bold at the right times.  We are slowly organizing bedrooms and finally opening spring/summer clothing bins.  We're planning our camping trip in July and striving to finish school before the end of June.  We're teaching forgiveness and our desperate need for Jesus.  At the end of the day, if even one thing went well I know it's only because Jesus gave the strength, or the wisdom at just the right time.  

I'm in love with another man....

His dark hair, his gray eyes, his serious stare, his long fingers (and toes!), his wrinkled forehead and dimpled chin.  I'm in love with it all.  I think we all are here in this house. 

His birth was amazing.  Fast and breath taking (literally).  I guess, according to Andy it sounded like I got the wind knocked out of me while pushing.  I do remember that feeling and the sound in my head when he spring-boarded off of my diaphragm entering into the world in record time. 

Here, I'll just tell you the whole story...

Friday night 7:00pm:  We had just finished a yummy dinner at my parents house.  Contractions began slowly and not very intense.  I had had contractions all week starting about this time so I wasn't overly concerned. 
About 20 minutes later they had picked up, so we packed up.  There was a plan in order for my mom to come to our house when we headed to the hospital.  I suspected middle of the night, 2:00-3:00am. 
8:15pm:  We were home.  Andy placed sleeping daughters in bed (other than Cassidy who helped by keeping my water glass full and my rice pack hot).  I showered and dressed for bed/drive to hospital. 
8:45pm:  I was now able to time my contractions to about 5 minutes apart.
8:50pm:  Oh wait, that one was only three minutes apart....and that one too. 
8:51pm:  Andy phones my mom.  She arrives quickly.
9:30pm:  At the hospital.  Check in.  Contraction.  Elevator.  Contraction.  Weight check.  Contraction.  Gown.  Contraction.  Monitor hookup.  Cervical check, 5 centimeters.  Contraction. Contraction.  What?  Two in a row?  That wasn't fair! 
10:15:  Contraction.  Contraction.  Contraction.  Okay, that was three.  Prayers.  As painful, as intense, and at times overwhelmingly scared I felt, I was grateful for the opportunity to be in labor and to have another baby.  I prayed quietly whispering, thank you, thank you.  At one point the nurse looked at me like I was crazy wondering if I was thanking her or maybe not really in labor.  Ha! 
10:30pm:  One breath in, one breath out is all I hear the Lord instruct me.  Giving me just the right focus at just the right time.  I have Andy buzz the nurse to check my progression.  I could tell something big had happened from all those contractions in a row, although I prepared my mind for no change in dilation.  In case I was wrong I did not want to lose focus. 
10:32pm:  Shocked nurse looks at me and yells to other nurse,  "She's 8 and progressing quickly better call the Dr. back and tell him to come now!"
10:35pm:  Contraction.  Contraction.  Water breaks.  Contraction.  Me:  "I'm pushing"  Nurse:  "It might feel like that, and that's okay.  You're doing great.  You said you didn't want an IV, we called the Dr. he would like you to at least have one put in, we don't have to hook you up to any meds."  Me:  "No IV.  I'm pushing." 
10:40pm:  I flop back (really hard as I recall) onto the bed and start pushing.  The nurse yells to the other nurse for help.  Things are being thrown around.  I see gloves and tools on a table being arranged, but I just keep pushing.
10:48pm:  Simon is born!  All I can say is, "I can't believe he's here!" 
11:00pm:  The Dr. arrives.  Smiles and says, "well at least I get to deliver the placenta." 
11:01pm:  Andy takes off his gloves...."I thought I was going to have to do that."  He says. 

 
I can not find the words to describe how God met me that night. He knew my fears and he had compassion. He understood the pain and sped the process. He heard our prayers (weeks beforehand that this would be as quick as possible) and agreed. Thank you Jesus.
So that's it folks, Simon's happy birthday story!

Simon Richard Baxter

One Week Alone.

I couldn't just sit around waiting for him to return, I had to do something.  Something that needed to be done, something that might surprise the man of the house. 

So I did this. 

                                    A small house means duel purpose rooms.  Baby room/computer room.      

                            Just what I was looking for. 

                      Another flea market find. 

 

That's it.  Fresh paint, trim, curtains and rods, painted shelves, hung pictures.  Welcome baby Simon, we're already thinking of you. 

Special Number Nine

I'm a little late with this post, her birthday was February 15th. 

She turned nine.

I still think she could have only just turned seven. 

She is growing in stature and maturity.

Her conscience is strong.

Her love for others is immense.

She listens well.  Most of the time. 

She loves when I sit on her bed late at night and just talk/listen to her.  She told me she likes telling me her story's more than any of her friends.  I will cherish the moments she would rather tell me her secrets.

She's so very concerned with the well-being of her little sisters.  She suggests I do something special with them on Friday's while she is at her Friday enrichment program.  Never worried that she will miss out on a fun event, just wanting her siblings to be blessed. 

She's shy. 

Doesn't like to read aloud in front of anyone but us. 

Public school would say she is behind academically, but I know better.  I have a vision for her future, one she is unaware of.  I plant seeds in her around this vision I was given knowing someday they will be used for His glory. 

She can be stubborn.

She can snap a comeback in seconds, sometimes witty sometimes discipline worthy. 

She's sensitive and attentive to others feelings. 

She loves animals more than I can understand. 

She's naturally modest and has no desire to wear clothing that shows her off. 

She's talented but not in a way that anyone would notice.  A quiet type of gifting was given to her. 

She is Nine. 

We love her.  So very much. 

                                         Sewing an apron for Claire.

                                         Loving the family pets.
                                        

                                         Fun at Mema and Papa's last summer.  Best friends for sure.


A little birthday celebration with friends.

 
 Natalie peeking through the yummy treats for later.  Self-control little one, self-control.

What's Happening

I figure I really only have a few minutes to blog until a small child wakes from a nap and/or two other little girls decide their play time is over.  I have so many things to say so I'm going to just jump right in. 

What's on my mind lately? 
A boy.  I feel like I'm about to be a mommy for the first time.  Knowing a little boy will soon be living within these walls still leaves me speechless, grateful and yes very excited.  Although I still look at baby boy clothes with an "Oh these are cute, I wonder who I should give them to?  Oh wait, I'M GOING TO NEED THEM!" mindset.  Andy's joy really helps ease my silly thoughts of how drastically different I feel this adventure will be. 

Andy.  How to describe a man so devoted, so focused, so God fearing and ready to walk the path of righteousness?  I am humbled by his direction and comforted by his forever forgiving attitude.  I mean, somebody pinch me please!  This guy is something else.  Thank you Jesus for this leader in our home. 

                                                  Obviously this was taken last summer.


Grandpa Andy.  I have yet to blog about this amazing man.  Actually, to be honest I did twice.  I just couldn't post it or do anything but save it for me.  Too many memories to write and with words I do not have.  What I can say is this.  I was blessed to be able to spend the last eight years living only miles away from him and my grandmother.  My children were able to spend countless hours enjoying his company.  Him and I talked politics lightly (for my sake) just about every time we were in the same room.  He was the most pro-life man I have ever met.  His heart was for the unborn and he prayed for them daily with my grandmother.  He was an electrician, a two-term Franklin County Legislator, a former town of Bangor justice for several years, husband of 57 years, father of five, an honest, straight forward, lover of Jesus! 
I was there when he died.  I was able to hold his hand and hear him say "I love you" for the last time. 



Oh and he danced.  He danced and danced and danced.  It didn't matter if it was a wedding or just a good old bluegrass song on a Sunday afternoon.  He danced. 




Andrew Jackson Barney - September 17, 1931 - November 26, 2013


Tips Tricks and Favorites. 
A few wonderful women have posted some of their tips and tricks and I have been meaning to do the same.  In no particular order and with no personal camera (Andy dropped it) here are some things I do/own/know about that might (but probably not likely) help you. 

Local Thrift Stores.  Use them!  I have saved A LOT of money  buying used for myself, my husband and the kids.  Clothes, jewelry, home decor, winter apparel.  Totally worth it, and totally fun!  Some stores will give store credit in exchange for donations.  I mean really, why not take adventage of this?

Freihofer's Bakery Outlet Canton.  Bread, bagels, muffins, donuts all at a fraction of the original price.  Oh and there is a Flea Market in the same plaza as the outlet.

 

Favorite rolling pin.  Straight Rolling Pin

 

Skin care.  We use grape seed oil.  There is some serious sensitive skin in this family so lotion doesn't usually sooth dry skin like it might the average person.  Grape seed oil does the trick!

 

Read aloud - Thornton Burgess Animal Adventures 

 

Home school Game - Great States!  A fun game we play when history lessons are few and far between.  This game was found in a garage sale by my thrifty aunt who gave it to me.  It was a wonderful find!  Amazon still sells it but it's a new version and ours is the old one so I do not know what the more recent game is like. 

 

Marriage - Andy and I have always written notes to each other.  In fact I have a huge binder FULL of large and small notes written on anything from actual paper to the back of an old bill.  I recently went through some shelves of pictures and books to dust and reorganize when I came across our wedding guest book, well a lot of people forgot to sign ours and only a few pages were filled.  It was Cassidy's idea to use the rest of the pages to write back and forth with daddy so that we wouldn't keep accumulating loose paper in our messy "love binder".  What a great idea! 

 

Not very many amazing ideas here, I'm sure as time goes on I'll come up with more to share. 

 

Nap time is over, play time is ready for redirection and dishes have piled up since lunch.  Time to get back to mommy-ing.   

 

 

 

Clearer Vision

Today was one of those days. The kind that leave you standing in the kitchen damp dish towel in hand, toddler clinging to your leg (screaming), laundry piled in a heap right in the middle of the
hallway, upstairs toys being dragged downstairs, messes and chaotic noise stacking up until the only thing left to do is cry. Sometimes I forget that simply because our hearts and plans are in the right place doesn’t mean all circumstances surrounding them will pan out just peachy like. Trying to get out of the house seemed nearly impossible today. We intended to have a nice breakfast together and venture out to get a Christmas tree, I hadn’t thought much further into it than that.
Now things didn’t go completely wrong, we did have a lovely breakfast this morning (with a surprise visit from my dad with a dozen donuts and coffees to boot!) and we did find a lovely tree at Breezy Maples Farm. It was everything between Breakfast and tree hunting that left me frazzled and wondering if I was putting enough into this mothering thing.
I sure felt like I had been up half the night with a grumpy toddler, and I knew I had spent most of Friday afternoon curbing bad attitudes and coaxing veggies into a none veggie eater. So why was I questioning my contribution as a mother?  My head was spinning with questions concerning my involvement with the girls, some from honest conviction and some from comparison of other children. How dreadful it would be if I were to look my little girls in the eyes and say, “Just so you know I will be comparing you with every child I see today.” Of course I would never! But why do I do it in my own mind? Why do any of us, because lets be real here, we all do or have done before.

2:30 AM and I’m wide awake wishing I could run a quick test on the kids to be sure they were able to make a bed properly, finish a math lesson without getting up for a drink of water, knew how to wipe down a table properly or memorize a Psalm just to ease my anxious thoughts.  Ha. Good thing I didn’t do that! (And no I wasn’t ACTUALLY going to) Instead I flipped on the living room lamp and opened my bible. 2 Timothy 1:5 “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”
I stopped there. Stuck on those words. Knowing that if nothing else the importance of a mother giving her children sincere faith in Christ through example was more than all the memory verses, straighten bed sheets, focused math periods and crumbless tablecloths combined.
So maybe I hadn’t been completely diligent in all areas of the day, maybe I had even had moments of laziness. I understand now that all of those things can be changed with a simple reboot of vision, a fresh chore chart or stronger cup of coffee.
Genuine, honest, earnest, heartfelt, open, truthful (I just opened the Thesaurus), straight FAITH IN JESUS lasts a lifetime! Now THAT’S what I want to emphasize during the day and teach to my children.  And I want them to weigh their attitudes and behaviors to that of Jesus instead of others.
Is there anything more energizing than a fresh God vision for your family?   I don't think so.  It's just that sometimes it takes the crazy spinning thoughts, kitchen tears and questioning heart to draw an honest prayer out of an overwhelmed Mommy.

“ But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31